"Honestly, if you had to have an orgasm in front of a room full of random strangers you've never met and screamed really really loud at the top of your lungs, you'd probably cry. " -- Elizabeth Banks

I'm not entirely sure what is going on in this video, but I'm oddly attracted to it. Apparently, the controversial (and hard-to-handle) Tony Kaye (American History X) directed this short experimental film for Mean Magazine starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks called This Is Not Sex. And what we're looking at is an assortment of scenes connected through famous quotes about sex in which both Banks and Rogen do some pretty strange things -- like, say, have an orgasm while working a hula hoop ... or, um, wear a noose and hang themselves. Yeah. Exactly.

Here's the description from the site: "Sex sells. Sex kills. Sex thrills. This Is Not Sex pays homage to the subject of the upcoming Kevin Smith flick, Zack and Miri Make A Porno, whilst taking you through a ride of sexual misperception through the lens of director Tony Kaye." So there ya go. Zack and Miri Make a Porno hits theaters October 31.

I've included the video after the jump since I feel like it might be somewhat not safe for work. Enjoy?

As of this writing, it's just under a month until Quantum of Solace's November 14th release date. The buzz on it has been oddly neutral; no one's seen it, people still mock the title from time to time, but everyone seems to be calmly assuming that the acknowledged awesomeness of Casino Royale will just sort of carry over. It's been nice to have a build-up to a blockbuster without too much undue hysteria.

Apropos of the calm seas, MSN offers the fairly placid first clip from Quantum of Solace. In it, Craig's Bond has a heart-to-heart with Mathis (the great Giancarlo Giannini), whom he pegged as a double agent at the end of Casino Royale. ("Oddly, right now you're the only one I can trust," he says.) They mourn the death of Vesper Lynd, with Bond understandably conflicted seeing as she betrayed him before she died. Bond drops some pictures on the table and asks for information.

It's not much, but at least it's apparent that Quantum of Solace will embrace Casino Royale's earnestness rather than the Pierce Brosnan films' often annoying snark. And it's good to see that, while I'm sure Quantum will stand alone in most respects, plot threads from Casino Royale haven't just been forgotten, as has been the franchise's unfortunate practice.

UPDATE: Moviefone has just launched a clip from Quantum of Solace as well, and this time Bond and M chat about revenge and Vesper and all sorts of groovy things. Check it out.

The alliteration and the memory was just too much to pass up this week!

Friday will bring the release of Max Payne, starring none other than Mark Wahlberg (with a little help from Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges, Ludacris...). Now it would be easy and sort of obvious to just revel in some "Good Vibrations" or Wahlberg's tight-whitey clad arse, both of which were extremely prevalent at the start of Marky Mark's career. Instead, here's his first film role from 1994 -- Wahlberg playing Pvt. Tommy Lee Haywood in Renaissance Man.

In the clips above, Haywood gets into a fight with Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery -- otherwise known as Kadeem Hardison, or Dwayne Wayne. Then they get to delight in the Shakespearean world of Hamlet under the tutelage of Danny DeVito, and then, oh yes, Mr. Wahlberg sings a little bit of "Achey Breaky Heart."

It never ceases to amaze me how far that man has come. It didn't take him long either -- after this film came Basketball Diaries, then there was only Fear and Traveller before he became Dirk Diggler.

Would you have ever imagined that Dennis Hopper, the writer and director of Easy Rider, would one day write and direct a seven-minute commercial for an ultra-chic and pricey ladies handbag? No? Me neither.

Above you can check out his short film commercial called Pashmy Dream. Gwyneth Paltrow stars as herself, meeting a sexy journalist for an interview amidst a troupe of clowns and performers. But then the dreaded paparazzi descend upon her and she scurries off without her Tod's Pashmy bag (the horror!), leaving the journalist to rush to get it back to her. Hopper says of the commercial: "Cinderella has her shoe. Gwyneth has her Tod's Pashmy bag." But unlike Cinderella, Gwyneth still gets red carpets versus dirty floors and rags.

If you exchanged the bag for some retro-wear, and added drugs into the mix, it would be slightly reminiscent of Rider, but it's still a fashion commercial. What do you think? Sound off below.

[via Just Jared]

I'll never get tired of a successful trailer mash-up, and this has to be one of my favorites of the year so far. Folks have had a lot of fun with The Dark Knight in 2008 (this scene mash-up featuring President Bush's speech is just tops), and the good times continue with Toy Story 2. Yes, I know there's a Toy Story 2 in realz life, but this Toy Story 2 is set to creepy and works surprisingly well alongside the trailer for The Dark Knight -- so much so that I'm kinda scared of Woody right now. See, in this version Woody plays the villain (aka Joker) and Buzz plays Batman (not to mention that Alfred is played by the green dinosaur, Rex). If it sounds strange, wait till you watch the thing.

Speaking of ...



[via Neatorama]

Stop me if you've heard this one before. It's an American remake of an Asian horror film about ghosts that seek revenge against, or try to pass messages to, the living. And the studio's releasing it in January. But instead of listing the first 20 films matching that description that come to mind, watch the new trailer for The Uninvited, courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes (we've got it embedded below).

The trailer makes the film look relatively promising: Two sisters deal with their father's much-too-young new girlfriend, who it turns out might have murdered the last family she lived with. Casting the marvelous Elizabeth Banks as the potential murderess gets my attention immediately; she can do funny and sexy, but can she do creepy? I bet she can.

By the way, the film apparently has nothing to do with the 1944 movie of the same title. It is, rather, a remake of a 2003 South Korean movie called Janghwa, Hongryeon (or A Tale of Two Sisters, as it was known internationally), which got a very small U.S. release in December 2004. The remake is due Jan. 30. What do you think?

The trailer is after the jump....

As we all know by now, the Poltergeist series brought eeriness both on and off the screen with the Poltergeist Curse. Real human skeletons were used, exorcisms were performed, props malfunctioned, fire blazed, and of course, people died -- the most infamous being the passing of the cute, tow-headed Heather O'Rourke.

And now she's being used to sell DirecTV units. Classy. Craig T. Nelson is back to give the spiel, but the above commercial also uses her famous "They're here!" line and a little girl to pose as O'Rourke to walk to the foot of the bed (O'Rourke's voice is apparently dubbed in).

In a world where even impassioned musical critiques can be turned into patriotic anthems, it's not completely surprising that this is happening. But still -- using a little girl who died way too young to make money -- it's not the best decision, and it certainly isn't a twist that inspires me to want to buy this. But what do you think?

Is this perfectly acceptable, or did DirecTV cross some sort of marketing line?

There's actually a lot of noteworthy geek news today -- but alas, none of it is amazing enough to really warrant an entire post. Believe me, it makes me a sad panda not getting to devote an entire post to Wolverine. So, let's just get right down to it:

• Producer Lauren Shuler Donner talked up X-Men Origins: Wolverine over on Superhero Hype: "It's closer to the first X-Men in tone because it's a little darker, but there's a lot of action. It's his origin story. It's really good. I've been in the editing room the last couple of weeks and I think that it's good and that audiences are going to like it. But it's a little darker ... You haven't seen this side of him. It's darker and sadder and it's kick-ass. There's a ton of action. It's really kick-ass." She also suggested the film borrows from Wolverine's Victorian youth in one of my least favorite series, Wolverine: Origins.

• The troubled Punisher: War Zone has launched its official site, and it's got all kinds of things to click on. The multiplayer game jammed up my computer so I don't know what that's all about. And IGN has the new poster, which will arrive in your local theaters framed in "real" guns. I must say, that is a pretty impressive piece of marketing.

• David S. Goyer, scribe of The Dark Knight, tried his best to end all these Batman 3 rumors. "It's all B.S.," he told MTV News. "ALL of it. Chris and I haven't even talked about it. He quite understandably is taking a long, long vacation and wants to purge himself." This will dampen the "Guess who's playing Catwoman" rumors for approximately 3.5 days.

• Superhero Hype has 5 videos of Kick-Ass filming in Toronto. Mostly people standing around, and cars being driven on platform trucks. And /film has photos up of Dave "Kick Ass" Lizewski's costume, filled out nicely by his stunt double.

"Well, this is the biggest depression since The Notebook." -- Paris Hilton

I'll be the first to bash Paris Hilton on any given day of the week, but I must admit these fake presidential videos starring Hilton have brought us one or three actual laughs. In her latest video, just posted over at Funny or Die (watch it after the jump), Paris Hilton is joined by one of our greatest fake presidents, Martin Sheen, as the two discuss what it takes to become the nation's next fake president. Both take on such issues as the economy, foreign policy (which Hilton calls FoPo) and Iraq. Toward the end even Charlie Sheen makes an appearance, but then bails to take in a jacuzzi. While I'm not so keen on the word 'president' being associated with Hilton in any way, shape or form, part of me wouldn't mind watching her host a debate. The girl has a larger fanbase than either candidate, and I'm sure she'll choose questions that keep them on their toes. "Prada or Gucci ... and why? Senator Obama, we'll start with you." What say you?